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~letskillfruit:iconletskillfruit:

is secretly a ninja  

Finally Taking A Stand

Journal Entry: Sat Apr 26, 2008, 6:19 AM
Today is the international protest for North Korean Refugees and against China's forceful, violent repatriation of these refugees. They are not respecting international law and claim that these refugees were "illegal economic migrants."

These refugees are being persecuted and starving back home, and in North Korea, every fundamental human right guaranteed by international law does not exist. Leaving North Korea is a capital crime, and if these refugees are sent back, they face torture, imprisonment, concentration camps, and execution.

Could you call these "economic migrants"?


I absolutely can't. So I'm heading to the Chinese Embassy in D.C. with two other friends and be part of the united voice for these innocent refugees...I have to take a side. Neutrality only helps the oppressor. I am accountable. Silence is not an option.


FREE NORTH KOREA

  • Mood: Peaceful

Hey vato, I gotta problem

Journal Entry: Wed Mar 26, 2008, 1:31 PM
Well, I haven't uploaded anything in a long time, but I do have a lot of stuff that I'm working on.Like the painting with a pineapple choking a watermelon. You have to see it, it'll knock you shitless.

Anyway, gawd this is gonna be a long story….well I met this guy in one of my classes… NO I don't like him. It's the other way around. I think he developed a liking obsession with me. He waits for me after class. You might think "ohhh that's so cute and nice of him!" Nonononono, fuck that, he does this every single fucking day and walks me to my class. One step out of the classroom, he's there. There's not even time to run.

He finds me in the hallway and tries to talk to me. Sometimes I'm just walking somewhere and he pops out of nowhere and pushes me or taps me on the arm "playfully" to say hi. He's everywhere. I don't know what he likes about me or why because he barely knows anything about me. Our conversations are so limited and boring. It's always about how our weekends were, how we are, about the SATS, grades, and colleges or some random weird thing he wants to know about me. I try to restrict things I say, keeping my sentences short and my tone just as uninterested as I am. And even if I'm talking with someone else, he plays tag-along and often jumps into the conversation.

He doesn't have much facial expression - always looking happy and smiley. It pisses me off, maybe because of my lack thereof, but still. Who wants to be around someone who smiles all the time. His secret name is Sunshine Bucket (which I appropriately created myself). No explanation needed.

I get a more than enough dose of that, and it stresses me out. He adds on to another thing I have to worry about. Currently, I'm trying to go M.I.A. on him by sneaking out of class early, hiding in the classroom long enough for him to go to his own damn class, or walk with another person. Doing this is tiring and it's not even 100% foolproof. He finds me anyway when I finally think he's not around. This seriously causes me to be so fucking paranoid. I'm constantly checking my surrounds, sharply looking at the people around me, and clinging on to friends who "got my back." It feels like I'm being watched, and I can't really relax. And when he's around, it feels like I'm being monitored severely. It's not even a taste of what North Korean refugees go through when they are hiding in China. It's just annoying. And he's around so often that some people thought that he's my boyfriend, I mean, what the hell?!

I thought we were getting to be okay-ish friends back a couple of months ago, but after I indirectly heard that he likes me (through one of my friends and one of Sunshine Bucket's friends), it felt just awkward. I didn't/don't want him to get the wrong idea. He's annoying as hell, but even I have to admit that he's a nice person (maybe a pushover kinda nice). Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to confront him. The very small, softer part of doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Throw in my laziness for desire for conflict, and boom, no actions or solutions.

And this is where you come in. I really need some realistic suggestions and help. Confrontation will be a last resort, and I don't like taking people out and killing them a little inside. It doesn't make me feel good either. But I know that when it comes to my peace of mind and my freedom and his, I don't know, enjoyment, I come first.

  • Mood: Fear
  • Listening to: the screwdriver being twisted in my head
  • Reading: spanish
  • Watching: my neighbor slay zombie fetuses
  • Playing: nothing
  • Eating: slaughtered candy
  • Drinking: tea

Outcome of the AP English presentation...

Journal Entry: Wed Mar 12, 2008, 8:40 PM
so i presented the media ad presentation for english (well, today for the second time)...

i honestly poured my heart into it, and i did try my best even though i was sick...well, i'm still sick...it sucks. it feels like my nose is made out of clay....damn nasal congestion. i can't really think straight either....like there's a fish bowl filled with jello on my head. anyway...

i was really nervous since i was doing this by myself and i'm socially retarded. i couldn't stop shaking, and my hands were trembling the whole time.

and instead of totally focusing on pointing out appeals and explaining propaganda terms,i was like freaking educating them.

i took the issue of the suffering and dangers of the North Korean refugees, shoved it into their faces and made them acknowledge it.

it was awesome.


but then my ap english teach was like"oh, it was good but you need to create your own sources and material and blah blah blah..."

and i was like "WHAT?! you want me to sneak into North Korea and film people's suffering with my life at stake what the fuck are you saying?!?"

The jerk gave me a freaking C (barely a C..)

I was like, "BETCH YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT"


I worked so hard....I'm working so hard...

It's probably because she hates me.

I honestly don't care if she hates me, because I hate her back and she and her class sucks. A LOT.

but a small part of me still wants to treat her like a human being (yet this thought is frequently extinguished).


because through a lot of past experiences, i learned that hating someone takes so much energy out of you and you just get exhausted. but i guess if you REALLY don't like someone, then of course you can't help it. I can't help it, so it's all good.


Even though she hates me, she should know a good presentation when she sees one, plus can't she cut me some slack? i'm doing this solo, i put a lot of effort into this, i'm sick, i'm awesome....

last class she gave so much homework and APOLOGIZED for it. What the hell?! she could've NOT given as much or at all. she's the one in control after all.


.....ugh...

this is almost as bad as the time i was forced to give her chocolate on valentine's day when my mom found out that i keep falling asleep in class....ferrero rochers...gone to a waste...

I honestly saw this as the ultimate betrayal. (mom, i can't believe you. YOU'RE embarrassed?!? psh....I'M the one going through all this!.... you guys have my back though, right?)


i was stupid not to drop out after first quarter.....but i'm a big girl. i can sort of take care of myself, so sally forth!

  • Mood: Suffering
  • Listening to: the screwdriver being twisted in my head
  • Reading: physics....ugh
  • Playing: pokemon music
  • Eating: her brains
  • Drinking: tea

...ugh...trudging back into the jaws of AP English

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 24, 2008, 6:25 PM
So I have this English media assignment that I have to present tomorrow to the class. It was supposed to be a group project, but I ended up working by myself…as usual. I hate how the teacher likes to make everything so interactive and social and shit. It pisses me off a lot. Why can't she get it through her head that some people, notably me, are socially retarded?!

Ugh, anyway, my project is about raising awareness about human rights abuse in North Korea. This issue is important to me, so I'm glad I get to work on something I actually care about. I know that people suffer everywhere, like Darfur, but they get a considerable amount of media attention and people usually have a general knowledge of what's going on. However, North Korea is the most isolated country in the world, so many people don't know about its horrors…much less know that the country exists and is separated from its southern brother. It's not even a communist country; it's often described as Socialist, Stalinist, and totalitarian regime.

People are treated worse than animals there...suffering under Kim Jong Il's rule. They are locked up in political prisons (which are basically death/concentration camps) comparable to Auschwitz. They suffer and die from malnutrition, hunger, and illness. They don't even get basic medical care…I mean, beer bottles used as IVs, what the hell?! And they face severe penalties for small offenses, and sometimes no crimes at all. Homeless children are put into so called "hostels" that are detention centers, and they are deliberately left to die…and you can't leave the country…ever. Cannibalism and public executions are not unheard of.

And then there's China who is a traditional ally of North Korea as they both "successfully fought off American imperialism." China forcibly repatriates North Korean refugees who are hiding/living in the country…about 200 a week actually. When these poor beings are returned, they face fierce interrogations, hard labor, and death for "betraying the nation."

So I really can't stand back and watch anymore….because once you stumble upon this silent war, you can't ignore it or erase it.


Yeah, so I'm glad I get to reach out to more people…make them see. And yeah, I'm taking this project to a serious level. I really wish I was outgoing and unafraid of speaking in front of people….I honestly get, and am, scared shitless. I'll probably get a social anxiety attack tomorrow morning….but I have to remember why I'm doing this….so wish me luck and pray I know what I'm talking about and don't suck and blank out. I swear, I need to learn how to be more confident….there's classes for that, right?

"When their voices are stifled, we will lend them ours...

'We are all witnesses."

LINK GLOBAL
[link]

  • Mood: Fear
  • Listening to: my heart thrashing against my ribcage already
  • Reading: my project outline
  • Watching: Seoul Train
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing

I found a new movie I love...

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 14, 2007, 7:36 PM
It's called: Welcome to DongMakGol.

The movie takes place in the 1950s during the Korean War. It's about a crashed American pilot, 2 South Korean soldiers, and 3 North Korean soldiers who crossed paths at an isolated mountain village. The villagers have no knowledge of the ongoing war, much less the technology. The soldiers have an armed standoff for several days, and a misthrown grenade blows up the village storehouse. They have to face the fact that their quarrel condemned the village to starvation in the following winter, so they help the villagers in the fields to make up for the damage they have caused and discover that they're not so different from each other...


It sounds so dull the way I describe it, but it is a really beautiful, deep film. It has a bit of action, drama, a tiny ounce of romance, and a good amount of comedy. So everyone wins. haha.


but seriously, this film makes you really wonder about..i dunno, everything from morals to beliefs, from trust to love.

if you ever get the chance, watch it.


and in relation to the film, i just wanna hear from you guys.

if you were a soldier, is there a limit in following orders?

if your commanding officer ordered you to blow up a bridge filled with innocent refugees in order to block off the enemy, could you do it?

even if you face the penalty of execution, could you disobey the order?

  • Mood: Distracted
  • Listening to: Buried Past- Welcome to DongMakGol
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: snapple - lemon tea